rivervision

huh? i sent to my chair draft 1 of my dissertation proposal. note, it hasn’t frozen over, just frost. the great freeze will occur if i end up getting an approved finished dissertation.

yes, i am. obviously – the post below.. coconut bliss.. *sigh* their offices are in my old neighborhood. –> the whiteaker. i really loved living in the whit.

and seeing people tweet about a tweetup at country fair.. makes me wish i could go to fair for a day, if only to be able experience the feeling of breathing completely freely for the day.. the kind of breathing that only comes when i feel like i can relax and be fully myself.

and as i move about logan i’m doing that thing where i think i see someone from eugene in the periphery of my vision.

logan is so difficult for me. incredibly difficult. i’m beginning to really think that moving here was a huge mistake. i was just starting to feel my feet underneath me and truly healthy for the first time in my adult life right before i moved here. my gut told me it was going to be a mistake when i did this move, but i ignored it. my gut then told me that it was a huge mistake to join the mormon church, but i ignored it again. i came to regret joining the lds church after about a year and a half and now i’m beginning to wonder about logan and pursuing this phd and if my gut was right on this too. i’m beginning to doubt that my health really is worth getting this degree. i’m forever telling people that their health is more important than everything else.. i’m thinking i need to start listening to myself.. see if there are jobs for me back in eugene. other people can make it there, why can’t i? *sigh*

on that note, i’m still obligated here and i have 23.5 hours to get a couple of more close-ended TPACK questions written.

*note. this post comes across as though there is nothing here in logan. yes, i have been blessed by finding many good people here who seem to continue to give a crap about me even though i’ve been sludging through hell for the whole of the time that many have known me. for them i am incredibly blessed. i just think that my health would have stayed in remission if i hadn’t left eugene – which right now would be a much more pleasant existence for me.

ps. sorry to be such a downer these days.

• i wrote a draft of a close ended question to measure change in TPACK tonight. i ran the idea by one of my committee members and he liked it. i hope my chair likes it too. i feel a bit smart now.

• i would like a pug. i hung out with bubba the pug tonight and that little creature really is just pure joy. apparently all pugs are like this.  of course i’d have to get a pug puppy so that she learns that max-cat is the boss around here.

• i got a lot of work done tonight, while getting to hang with my friend the g’s. i really do <3 the g’s. and s.g. has done such a good job raising her kids and so i really do enjoy hanging out with them too (they are teens). i also got to hear a little bit more about their research and i may may may get to do some work with them at some point (they are in the same college, but different department. r.g. is on my committee). i’d love to have the chance to even volunteer with them just so i can learn from even more people how to do research. the profs i get to work with rock, but every chance i get to learn something more from a different angle is a good thing.

• i would like to go climbing tomorrow. i probably won’t get too, but i would like to nonetheless.

• on that note, i need to go to bed. i’ve been either getting up near the crack of dawn because i have to or sleeping waay to late (i got up at 10.30 on friday for an 11am meeting, and 9.45 for 10.30 church. i usually get up 2 hours before i need to be anywhere or do anything productive) it’s midnight now and i have to email my doc by noon and it takes me at least an hour to fall asleep. i have to email her to let her know how things are. yes, my health is so bad that she wants me to check in with her via email. if she doesn’t get an email from me she tracks me down. i don’t want her to have to do that.

no idea why i am bored.  i shouldn’t be.  i have too much to do.  but i really don’t want to do any of it.  i think i’d rather be driving back from a really great trip to oregon right now.  rather than sitting here at the ibis.  *sigh*  i think i may go home and fix the busted tire on my fold up bike.  but it’s .. whoo hoo 16 degrees outside.  that may have to wait until tomorrow.  *sigh*

anyhow – i’m just writing this down, because i’m slow and i don’t want to forget it: in order for someone to have TPACK they need to have TPK, CK, PK, TK, TCK, and PCK.  yeah – i know, all of you understand that.  how’s this instead:

content knowledge
pedagogical knowledge
technological knowledge
pedagogical content knowledge
technological content knowledge
+ technological pedagogical knowledge
—————————————
technological pedagogical content knowledge

does that help?  probably not.

*sigh*  the ramblings of a bored phd student who shouldn’t be bored because there is just waaay too much to be done to be bored.  on that note, i’m going to head home to see if package for my own big secret has come.