i do need to be writing the dissertation. i also need to be analyzing data for another project. i’m doing neither. nope. oh? what did i do yesterday? i woke up feeling like crap because of the inversion. ? the inversion?
because of the inversion i felt icky. because i felt icky, i met with stats mentor for a wee bit, dropped off a finally found x-mas gift, then went shopping. *nod* yeah. spending all my savings is my plan to fill the empty hole of a soul i seem to have, especially when i feel icky because of the inversion. *nod* yes, pollution does kill. or make one feel icky.
so, i didn’t do anything.
today? oh yeah. locating references for a wee little grant i submitted after i found all the references (i had a program, i lost the reg # for it so i couldn’t transfer it, and i’ve been lost since. i’m working on a spreadsheet solution). then i updated my vita. then i finished a cover letter for a job! yes, an actual job application. i finally found something that i’d rather work on my dissertation over.. cover letters. *nod* cover letters are a pain. and really, after updating the vita, it felt like the dissertation. state it. state it again. oh yeah, and then state it again. oh, and re-state what you just stated. *ugh*.. it’s nice to remind myself that i’ve found joy in this area of employment recently because finding permanent employment in this area is going to not be joyful. *sigh*
oh, and i’ve also been commenting on blogs. here are a couple of particularly notable ones:
on the blog of a friend who has become particularly well known because of his work. it’s about the bio of the person featured in the post.
Non-topic curiosity question. It’s common to put if someone has a family in bios. Question: does this give the person more credibility, even if family status has nothing to do with the topic? If so, if someone is single with no family, does a PhD, especially one in the topic area being covered, make up for the lost credibility earned by family status?
my friend has yet to respond, and if any of you have an answer, i’d love to hear it!
and this comment on a blog i really don’t belong on, that again doesn’t address the true content, but the one bit of content i have personal experience with. this one is nicer, and more personal. the writer briefly talked about how those who are agnostic don’t always have it easy.
for me, at least, the big “f” Faith, it isn’t easy. i spent years struggling to find it. i was raised academic (4 parents with phd’s, working at a university). at 11 i was “born again”.. then i tried the episcopal church during college, then wiccan, buddhist, unitarian universalist (10 years), then Mormon!, presbyterian, and i’ve settled into the episcopal church with buddhist and wiccan spiritual influences and mormon practicality influences.
i love being episcopalian. i feel at home in the rituals. it’s the church my father was raised in, and is buried in the graveyard of one. i love the liberal politics. i love discovering God.
but still, it isn’t easy. my practical, leaning towards scientific, brain has to accept the thing that isn’t researchable (i’m on the cusp of a phd in education) as the foundation of my life. and my self that struggles with dark moments has to be able to find the arms of He who can’t be seen to wrap myself in on lonely dark moment filled nights. finally, my enculturated towards violence self has to find forgiveness for people i’d rather lash out at because that is what Christ has challenged me to do. it’s not easy, no. this is one place where i do fit in, but it’s not easy. (i have to admit, though, that i don’t fit in culturally to church communities due to my being 38 (nearly 39), single and childless.) the challenges, at least for me, that God has put before me, go against my inclinations and sometimes i’d just rather that He would have left me alone.
but, even though i’ve been off doing something other than writing my dissertation, never fear, i’ll get back to it. i’m enjoying it, except getting the feedback. i’m working on a section of my lit review that needs to be incorporated into new drafts of the research phases. i’m having to read literature and then write it up. part of it is enjoyable (look! i was right! look! i’m doing something EMERGENT methodologically! look, see? i CAN use a critical theory lens without citing all sorts of work already in critical theory! and even better? quantitative IS NOT JUST POSITIVIST OR POST-POSITIVIST! whoo hoo!), but it’s extending this already to extended process. oh, and really, i need a vacation. i need to go swim in salt water, or not-salt water as long as it’s not chlorinated too. i need to be out of wireless or cell phone range for a long time. i need to eat food made by people who speak arabic, or hebrew, or even greek or british or spanish. i need to eat that food in one of the countries that one of those languages is the state language. i need to walk along streets with signs that don’t make sense to me. i need to smell strange smells. i need to experience the gift of a smile from someone who i can’t communicate with outside the sharing of a smile. i need the excitement of preparing for a trip like that, of taking my passport from the safe, of worrying about flying for so long, of landing and going through immigration and customs. *sigh*.. yeah, i’m tired and i need a break where i don’t have to think about dissertations, cover letters, and a sister-friend’s impending death. i need a break where i cat litter is not in the forefront of my mind, and getting shlomo to use said litter is not something i can control for awhile. yeah. yeah. *nod* uh huh.