rivervision

the call of nature

the call of technology

the call of dirt

the call to worship (Ramadan Mubarak!)

I need a break from electronic gadgets. Of all kinds. The phone, the computer, and now even my newest gadget, this fruity pad thingy. Yes, the very one I am writing this on. I’m tired. I want to go someplace where I can snorkel, walk on the beach, breathe in the sea air, be with people who make me laugh, and think, and who love me. I need not to think about anyone, including myself, that I may be letting down or forgetting for awhile. I need be someplace where I can be me, where I can curse, and laugh, and cry, and not have to worry about offending anyone because of my way of being. I need to be in a place where simply walking outside means that I am in a place of worship, where i don’t have to worry about being hit with the ignorance of a sheltered majority culture. I need to be in a place where I can feel like i can breathe, large and big, and I can do it without someone expecting me to return emails within the hour or two. I’m tired, desperately so.

maxie specifically,
i have a deadline. i’m already behind. you sitting with your paws on my right hand, one of my 2 typing hands btw, does not make meeting this deadline very possible, at all, considering there are other resources i need to access. oh and that cute thing with you now leaning your head on my hand while i type doesn’t make things easy either. now i’m going to throw you off the bed and away from my work space. you can handle it, i know you can because 12 years ago i selected you from the other kittens in your litter because even at 4 weeks you were one tough little buckaroo.

love,
me. you know, that human that feeds you and puts up with, and encourages, your codependence.

dear god -
2 weeks ago rc was really sick. the docs gave her percentages in the single digits to survive. yesterday she left the icu. thank you. you know, her daughter jcp is a dear friend of mine. you know, i didn’t want jcp to have to go through what i’ve gone through recently. thank you.

-brooke.

ps. it sounds like rc’s cancer is gone. if you could make it stay away that would be really ducky.

today is my mother’s 67th birthday. the cats sent her birthday greetings:

Maxie dressed in Ethiopian to celebrate your birthday. (I told him you’d appreciate it).

Ava would have dressed up too, but she’s been really ticked off these days about Obama’s peace plan for Palestine these days and just can’t get over it. She apologizes for her attitude but she wants you to know she did put on her smiley face collar to celebrate. :)

and I added:
Yes, please excuse Ms.Ava. She supports a one state solution and Mr. Obama- who was once a hero- is really letting her down. She’s a sensitive little bugger and is taking this a bit too hard IMHO. ;)

—-

today is the first day of classes here at USU. i’m signed up for 3. i’ll probably drop all 3. but i want to see what the work load is. up first is arabic! it’s a freshman level class. even if i drop it, i’ve got the textbooks that i can begin to work through. 2nd up is a cool doctoral class. 3rd is multivariate stats (that’s tomorrow). i have an intense interest in all 3 classes, but i am doing my dissertation and beginning a job search + dealing with all sorts of stormy weather around me. so, we’ll see. today i’m just happy that i’m going to go to day 1 of arabic. it’s a start, right?

there’s a storm coming in.. the skies have gone from utah bright sun to dark cooling clouds. i’m grateful for this as it’s been quite hot the last couple of days. i also just love the sound of thunder, rain and the sight of lightening. it makes me happy. i’m hoping it’ll be a 2 blanket (light) night tonight. i like being cold rather than hot.

what else? the storm outside definitely represents what’s going on for me these days.. i feel like i’m surrounded by storms. it’s not something i’m happy with at all and i’m at my wits end about one of them in particular. i do have support from two very kind wise queer men. i love kind wise queer men. i like kind wise straight men too, but there’s something extra soft that the queerness brings, i can’t explain it, you’ve gotta just experience it. the storms are calling for soft, soft soft.

oh and i am feeling more and more drawn to buying a fruity pad computer thingy. it’s more portable and does what i need it to do, and cheaper than buying a whole new computer. we’ll see. the storms need to calm just a bit before i do.

bleh bleh bleh. that’s the day it’s been.

both of my bikes have flat tires now, even though i fixed both of them on one of them yesterday. *sigh*
my jubilee tomatoes aren’t ripening. *sigh*
i can’t find tahini. i need it for baba ghanouj and the eggplants are coming. *sigh*
i’m still trying to figure out what classes to take. *sigh*
tomorrow i have to go to 2 or 3 hours of being an ethical researcher. *sigh*

but i’m listening to the amazing suheir hammad. life can’t be that bad if her voice is out there. life can’t be that bad if there are other voices like her out there too (alix olson, tahani salah, and stacey ann chin come to mind)

he’s the perfect colleague – he doesn’t have an ego, doesn’t say much at all, is great for my ego because he simply adores me.. the only problem is the closeness on a hot day in a second floor apartment can get a bit hot, but i can live with that. :)

oh and i forgot to mention. the hummingbirds, i noticed yesterday that their bellies are starting to grow as they begin to get ready for migration. i’ve now discovered that not only are hummingbird butts cute, but so are hummingbird bellies as well. :)

i ran into someone from my church on saturday at the market. she asked where i’ve been hiding.. it was a good question.. one place i’ve been hiding is really no one’s business, another place has been with my friends the p’s, in my garden, on my bed in my bedroom, and in c’s backyard hanging not only with her hummers, but also with her big ol’ dog smokey (or, as i’ve been calling him lately, smokers). he’s 1/2 irish wolf hound, 1/2 german shepard, and is ~2 years old and still very much a puppy:

oh yeah, and i’ve also been going to another church the last few weeks..

my cat had a seizure, at least i think it was, right as i was posting the previous post. he fell off the bed and his body wouldn’t stop for a bit. he’s fine now, he’s slept, played and bathed and seems to have full function of his little body. it’s still scary though. i’ve had him since he was 5 weeks old, and that was 12 years ago. i love this creature. i’ve called a few people for vet recommendations. *sigh*

this is him at 9 weeks:

this is him just a few moments ago: