Affirming Your Feelings
The following is an essay taken from Surviving Sexual Assault that addresses feelings that could come up after a sexual assault.
Somehow, some way I lived through the experience of a sexual assault. I didn’t know whether I would and maybe I didn’t even know if I wanted to, but I did. Now I have to face people and I wonder what they think. Maybe they wonder whether I was careful enough, whether I provoked it in some way, whether I fought hard enough. Maybe I wonder the same things.

I can’t handle or cope with other people and their thoughts right now. I have so much to think about but I don’t want to think about any of it. I’ve lost all of my normal thoughts and concerns right now and everything is focused on myself and my safety.

AND HIM! I want to do something terrible to him... maybe sometimes, even to myself. Will he come back? AM I SAFE? Oh, I feel so helpless! I fel I lost control of my life and I feel like I’m going crazy. But what about those who depend on me? Can I cope? I also wonder about being intimate with someone again. I don’t want to be touched and I’m not ready to talk about any of this.

I’m rambling on because I can’t seem to concentrate or care about other things or matter like before. Is that wrong? Who knows how I’ll be able to sleep at night. How am I going to go on? How am I going to be able to are for those who depend upon me?

Taken from: Surviving Sexual Assault, Edited by Rachel Grossman with Joan Sutherland