February 08, 2003
i put myself out here.
i put myself out here, in this site, with views that are often controversial. i am not afraid of backlash because of my views. i stand behind them. i put them in a public forum. i say if you can't deal with backlash about controversial issues then don't post about them in your weblog. people can read my archives and see it. and if people come to my defense, thats fine but i don't need it, i am secure enough in my own beliefs to defend myself. if you can't stand the heat, get the fuck out of the fire.
Posted by brooke at 03.24.15 PM
February 07, 2003
happy birthday to us.
maggie, over at fluffy battle kitten, dania over at dania's dalies, and i-- we all turn 30 in february. its a big deal to me, and maggie said its a big deal to her, and dania's got a countdown going. happy 30th maggie and dania :)
Posted by brooke at 10.37.15 PM
on religion
i had a friend pose questions about religion to me.. questioning the the whole god thing, and blame and stuff. i emailed her a long email. probably more than she wanted. i thought i'd put it here.
i questioned god. i wasn't raised in a religious household either. my mother was sort of raised in a christian household, but when my grandmother nearly died of hepatitis in the early 70's she became a born-again, my father was raised episcopalian (light catholic). growing up going to my grandmother's house going to church was a whole argument thing. age 9-10 i explored religion-- went to a baptist church for awhile, checked out the christian fellowship, the episcopals, joined pioneer girls (girl scouts + a bible), and even went to a religious girls camp and followed my grandmothers church for a bit. i rejected that. in college i did the episcopal thing for a couple of years. but i started identifying as a feminist at age 10 so even then i was questioning a one and only patriarchial god.
and thats where i am now. the one and only patriarchial god. and how to deal with it. and to blame or not to blame? i have found a spiritual path. it really can't be defined. i do consider myself a unitarian universalist though. i seek out a spiritual community who will support me and my own beliefs. and i've always wanted to belong to a church, and for once i do :)
but blame. and control. i believe we are all in control, and i don't believe in blaming some almighty. i say "the goddess" when i think of my own spirit. but that encompasses more than one spirit. and none of them, for me, are evil, or controlling. no, she does not control what i do. for me the goddess is a wonderful and beautiful spirit who loves me and the bad that comes my way comes my way and i look to her to help heal but she in now way caused them. oh and btw, my beliefs about the goddess are very influenced by wicca, the goddess is all around, she is in you and me, you, lily, max, ava and smudge. yesterday i went to hotsprings, i had too.. i needed to relax, i needed to connect with the goddess and her waters warmed by her core heat don't get any better, imho.. and i tell you all this not to convert, but just so you understand where i'm coming from as far as my beliefs, so you know more about me, its a huge part of me now that i've found her.
but let me tie this into christianity, islam, and judiasm (the big ones, who all, btw, believe in the same god). before i found the goddess i did a lot of questioning about what christianity and religion was all about. and right now i look all over the world and i question what its about. i see george w. about to go war, i see the isreali state, created in the name of judiasm killing the palestinians, i see muslims killing the jews and i wonder is *this* what religion is all about? and a few years ago i already came to my own conclusion. after going into church after church and talking to so many christians and trying to figure out my own beliefs and what all this was about i came to the knowledge that religion and god is not evil or bad. i know that religion is about loving and goodness and healing. when people are dying they pray to be healed. when we are sad we pray for the sadness to stop. i had and have to believe that if the allah, god, yaweh exists that he loves and is a truly good hearted being, that what happens down here is not his doing, that he truly is about healing. if i believe that god, allah, yaweh is pulling the strings, is causing bad things to happen, then i think its time to burn the holy books and start anew.
these are all just my beliefs. i am in no way trying to convert you or sway you or anything. you talked about god, its something i've thought about, i thought i'd send you my thoughts on the subject. please do take them as that and only that, *my* thoughts. no conversion or swaying attempted.
Posted by brooke at 05.44.02 PM
February 05, 2003
um.. lets see. i'm not sure how to start this now. i had this all written out in my head, drivng around, doing errands.
goodness. its been a long last few days. my friend randy says i have faith in people that she doesn't have. i don't know if thats true or not. but if it is my faith has been tested.
goddess, this sounded so much better in my head driving around. i really need to keep a journal with me to write entries down in because by the time i get home i just loose them.
anyhow, i've lost 2 people from my life over the last week. one very dear, one not so, but still valued. the dear i thought could stand a bullet, but i've been proven wrong. i'll mourn that for a long time, a loved one hit and fallen. i know the pain goes away but does the regret of what was lost ever leave?
but i've been lucky too. i've added three. one a friendship slowly but surely nurtured for 2 years finally being connected by the phone, another friendship, similiar but no talking quite yet just voice mails, and finally the realization voiced that someone who was once considered "evil" is not and her voice back that i'm no longer evil. so, minus 2 add 3. i am coming out on the positive side.
and my caregivers. my therapist. 4 years into this and she remains ever so steady, dealing with trust issues being the professional she has always been, respecting me and my needs now and how i have changed, being the gentle professional she has always been extending caring words and caring arms for a hug when i need them most. and my doctor. i put bad shit in her lap and she is a steel wall holding me up. she becomes my greatest confidant at times and takes the role on with the greatest of ease because she understands. she shows me understanding and caring that all patients deserve from their doctors. i am coming out on the positive side.
and every day i wake up and my belief in peace is only stronger. and every day i meet and talk to people who tell me that i am an idealist and i used to accept that label, but i reject it now. i now know that i am a realist in my quest for and belief in peace. i am coming out on the positive side.
and my faith in people has remained intact.
Posted by brooke at 07.32.44 PM
February 03, 2003
my new mode
i don't care how loyal people say they are. and i don't care how trust worthy they say they are. i've known all along not to trust people. the minute i do i only get bitten in the ass.
Posted by brooke at 10.01.37 PM
