she is a lesbian, radical feminist, cat lover, bibliophile, non-smoker, unitarian universalist (though she doesn't go to fellowship on a regular basis) and in the process of becoming athletic again. she dreams of being jeanne d' arc and swooping in and saving those that need saved (though she'd rather not be burned at the stake). she is a loyal friend who will do anything she can for those she loves, but she can flakey sometimes when her depression flares up. she is a loner. a southerner self-transplanted to the pacific northwest in 1998 and now believes that it doesn't rain enough here. she's known for her honesty, she can't help it, its the only way to be. she is 4'8" tall, and round. she has natural blonde hair and she also has blue eyes. she is very intense. she hates small and large crowds, she prefers the one on one or the one on a few. she has no idea what she wants to do with her life, though she would like to see more of the world than what she has seen so far (a good part of the continental united states) and she very much wants to be a mother. finally, she has huge crushes on alix olson and carolyn gage (these are from a far).

i'm hoping to have my plane reservation for a flight into mytilini from athens made tommorrow, and then work on getting the reservation to go into turkey by the middle of next week.

i went through my clothes. i'll be taking little. 2 skirts and leggings, a pair of shorts, 2 long sleeve shirts, my favorite sweater, hat and scarf, raincoat, 2 t's and my nightgown and my favorite jeans. no overalls, too bulky. everything is es going to be easily compactable. toiletrees, my tevas and my boston birkies. a few pairs of socks. guidebooks, my cd player and cds, batteries, a journal and some books. plus probably an extra bag for souviners.

i'm going to take the overnight ferry from mytilini to athens, that way i dont have to pay for a hotel and i can arrive in athens in the morning.

with the help of the wonderful women at aappho travel (see link over there -->) this is coming together. i'm not going to hit molyvos on lesvos. but i'm hoping to go to thermi, a non tourist town with thermal spas that artemis is rumoured to have used. that will be my sacred site.

okay, its 1.30am. i've been up for 23 hours now. the cats are asleep, the boys even together. i've taken 2.5 xanax. tommorrow its sominiex. maybe that will help.

on that note i've got money panic to deal with for the next 2 weeks, but i guess it'll be okay. i just transferred extra money into my savings account. but bcbs owes me around 300.00, 200.00 of which will go to dr. c to pay off my 300.00 annual deductible.

and if i get my ass in gear, tommorrow i'll go to social security to apply for medicaid. and then get on the long waiting list for section 8 housing cause by the time my name comes up i'll be poor. so much to do.

dammit, i wish dr c. couldh have given me something for these shakes. i need sleep. crisis pain and this trip. thats whats causing the rapid cycling. pure excitment and then ickola. and i've got other stuff going on that i can't talk about. i don't think thats helping my mood at all. i guess i'll be back at the gym tommorrow on the rowing machine and the the stairs, and maybe some weight. i should go for a swim too. maybe all that will calm me down. i hate this.

got two very understanding comments to 3am.. so nice to know i'm not alone.

oh and btw, did you hear that those fucks in dc are not ruling out the possibility of nukes on iraq.. and they say iraq has weapons of mas destruction, i seriously doubt they compare to ours.

in sticking with my penis theory, that bush's penis is too small and he needs to do this, i'm starting to conclude he's got serious problems with his penis and that it night actually be rotting off. why else would he be this stupid to ignore the UN and NATO? stuipd fuck. my dr. said she think that bush is an addict. if i'd not been so manic when i saw her i would have gotten her to expand on that. but she did point out that he had a problem with alcohol and drugs in college and somehow this ties into now, and i know it dies, but like i said i didn't get the full story. next week. i personally like my penis rotting off theory. his, rumsfeld's, and powells. and condolezza must have recently had her clitoris removed, or something along that lines. cause she's bought hook line and sinker into this without seeing any possible ramiifications (re: ductaping your windows, buying emergency supplies, oh wait those are happening).. i don't understand it., i think we need to pump some kind of estrogen that can be sucked in by breath into their meeting rooms. maybe that will stop all this shit. fuck, ol' madeline albright has got way more female sense than coni rice. i think condi is just there as a tropy.

okay, i should go to sleep now.

night all.