she is a lesbian, radical feminist, cat lover, bibliophile, non-smoker, unitarian universalist (though she doesn't go to fellowship on a regular basis) and in the process of becoming athletic again. she dreams of being jeanne d' arc and swooping in and saving those that need saved (though she'd rather not be burned at the stake). she is a loyal friend who will do anything she can for those she loves, but she can flakey sometimes when her depression flares up. she is a loner. a southerner self-transplanted to the pacific northwest in 1998 and now believes that it doesn't rain enough here. she's known for her honesty, she can't help it, its the only way to be. she is 4'8" tall, and round. she has natural blonde hair and she also has blue eyes. she is very intense. she hates small and large crowds, she prefers the one on one or the one on a few. she has no idea what she wants to do with her life, though she would like to see more of the world than what she has seen so far (a good part of the continental united states) and she very much wants to be a mother. finally, she has huge crushes on alix olson and carolyn gage (these are from a far).

*and* before that, randy's crazy ex-gf called here ranting and raving about the situation, blaming it all on me. apparently i'm just one person on her warpath, granted the top, but just one. that didn't help the spirits either. i feel sorry for randy's ex. i really do. she's crazy and she doesn't know it. it helps to be crazy and know it. its frustrating, but it helps. to be labled a psycho by those around you and not know why is a bad thing. if you know why you are crazy you can work on fixing it. but though i feel sorry for her, she still has pissed the hell out of me, and being that i got the nursery news second i'm tempted to pull psycho on her and call her up and yell at her. just cause i'm hurt, and i can make hurt pissy really easily.

but i can try to look on the bright side of things. maybe i can pay off my library fines and we've got a brand new library opening up on the 26th, so then i could read lots and hang out there. and i could really be able to workout full time to get myself ready for the greece trip. and i could also focus on learning some greek, and i had a friend mention maybe setting up a cafe press store so i could do that, and i could get my apartment cleaned up.

the other brighter side is that i'm in the process of getting things worked out with someone that i'd been needing too for a couple of weeks, just in the nick of time, because i'm going to need her support.

but still, i can't deny, my heart is broken. but i'll deal. i always do. i'll just try to avoid driving that way.

and for tonight i've got a pizza, some alcohol and a box of chocolates. and tommorrow a box of presents. *and* the knowledge that i have a mother and father and brother who all love me very much, even though i won't see them tommorrow (though i did dream last night i talked to my mother). i also have perry and marsha who love me, and a group of good friends who also love me. i also have a doctor and a therapist who are very dedicated to seeing me get well. yes, i am a very blessed person. i know this. i do know this.