December 18, 2002
ode to faith

the other day faith posted this. all her friends, i included, reveled in it. we all expressed our love back to her, in our own ways. unfortunately a troll came in and tried to ruin the festivites.

my first thought at reading the remarks made by that troll was i was once that troll.. people around long enough might be able to recall it. i'm not going to drag it up, some of it is still in my archives, and i'm sure you can find it in faith's. yep, faith and i had an all out war. it dragged on for a number of days. we put a common friend of ours through hell. she was great.

some how, and i'm not sure how.. if i go back and reread maybe i'll see it.. but slowly but surely faith and i turned things around. we went from being on the opposite sides of a blog war to being dear friends. she's become someone that i love. and we've never met face to face, but i know for a fact that when we do the friendship that we've found will be there. i can't wait for that day.

and so this poor troll.. i felt sorry for this troll. because whatever it is that i did that enabled me to be able to see the other side of faith, this troll isn't doing. cause faith does give second chances. i'm actually glad that faith and i went through what we did on our way to friendship. it means that we can argue and maintain our friendship. and we do.

she's an incredible person. she really is. actually, before i attacked her i'd been reading her weblog... i saw a lot of me in her words. she's a passionate woman, she's got attitude. she's got a hard outer shell.. but she is extremely kind. she treats her friends with the utmost caring. i can't say enough good things about her. i'm very picky about who i let into my heart. and i've decided that faith is a good risk. i trust her. thats saying a whole lot about a person.

so there ya go. that troll.. will never have the chance to know.

oh wait. i missed something. and its important. i never ever thought i'd call a card carrying member of the republican party a friend.. and i do. now if that doesn't show what a great person faith is, i don't know what does ;)

rhymes with: maudlin sappiness

Posted by brooke at 10.41.12 AM

December 17, 2002
i am so ready to go right now

i am so ready to go to greece *now*..

i was actually glad to see the sun today when i woke up. its been raining here nearly non-stop for the past week. i heard something crazy that florence, oregon (dead west of eugene on the coast) got 11 inches in 3 days! that had to have been wrong. even if it is wrong, there has still been a hell of a lot of rain. day in and day out rain outside the window. floods in coos bay, highway 101 (along the coast) closed at points cause of floods in some places, landslides in others. 2 people in bend (east of eugene, east of the cascades) killed when a tree got blown into their mobile home. the ski areas are opening up.

meeting with my doctor today. doubled one of my drugs. i've never been this high on this drug. more money that i don't have out of my pocket. this constant stress, money money money. this constant stress of if my illness will ever subside and it doesn't. my sweet doctor, she tries to assure me but it doesn't work, i only leave her office more discouraged than when i came in. i'll see her again in 2 weeks. every 2 weeks, its our thing. a regular date. we've become quite familiar with each other. i know more about her than i've known about any doctor i've ever had, i know more about her than i probably know about some people i call friend. its a regular date she and i keep, grasping at straws on my end, on her end attempting to inject hope. i listen to her only because its our big commonality, this disease of ours. its cause she's suffered like i do. she's been where i've been. i listen, but sometimes i do doubt, but i do listen and at the depths of my despair thats when i hear her words, i have to, for survival. but today i am only discouraged.

i'm ready to leave on that jet plane. i'm ready to see seattle disappear below me, i'm ready for london to appear. i'm ready to see the sun rise above athens after 3 days of travel. i'm ready to ride on the agean. i'm tired of imagining it in my minds eye, i want to see it in my blue eyes. i want to see the greek blue in my robertshaw blues.

Posted by brooke at 04.43.16 PM

i think i've figured it out

i think i've figured out how i want this the new look of this site to look like. now the hard part, making it happen. on that note, i've got a drs appt to get ready for.

Posted by brooke at 09.47.40 AM

December 16, 2002
cold boobies!

we actually had a full house at the nursery today! even though i was tired. i had a great time playing with all 4 of our toddlers. one of them is talking, and apparently one of them is still nursing and calls her mom's chest "boobies".. well, last week she was being held by one of the teachers and she pointed to her chest and said "boobies!" hahahahahaha

got to go swimming today. after 2 weeks. it feels good to have gone swimming. i need to make sure i go swimming. but now my boobies are cold. really cold. agh. and i fucked up my shoulder. at least it hurt while i was swimming and then when i got out of the pool it hurt. not good. so i high tailed it over to miriam's office and made an appointment for her to work on me for wednesday after the babies and after swimming. in hindsight the swimming really is important. it has helped my mood today, and i'm looking forward to swimming tommorrow and the rest of the week. and with my massage with miriam planned for wednesday things feel like they might be getting back to normal.

i heard that kissinger has stepped down from the 9/11 inquiry panel. i'd read some articles about what a bad dude he is and about why he shouldn't be on the panel, much less head of it. i'm glad he's bowed to pressure and stepped down, even though he's given an excuse. also some republicans are starting to break ranks and re look at this whole trent lott being their leader thing. i'm glad. the republicans are doing the right thing, and tom daschle should be bowing his head in shame. that wuss, how dare he accept lame ass apologies from lott. daschle is no better a leader for the democrats than lott is for the repubicans. i don't no who is qualified to lead the democrats at the point. i hate the idea of a white guy leading the party, but in my opinion the most qualified people to lead the democrats are bill clinton and jimmy carter. both are well respected throughout the world, both are extremely well thought on environmental issues, and world issues. at a time like this we desperately need leadership in world issues. we need someone who is respected, we need someone who understands that violence is *not* the answer, we need someone who doesn't want to simply launch his missles and then see what happens later. right now we need a leader who also understands the need to develop forms of energy that are renewable cause its oil that is causing so much of this.

okay.. now, where was i going next? i'm hungry. i've got some vegan spanikopita. sundance natural foods has got a great hot food bar. today i got homefries and this spanikopita. now its dinnertime. yummy.

Posted by brooke at 04.51.17 PM

December 15, 2002
mommie making

my mommie hormones are doing their thing again. they do this a lot. a whole lot. i'll be turning 30 at the end of february. i've been having the baby dream: the one where i have my own kid : since i was 18 or so.. and the last couple of years my want to be a mommie has only grown.

my problem is, i don't have all the ingredients. i got the womb, and from the signals my body gives out every month, i'm pretty sure i got the eggs. its the sperm i'm missing. well, duh. its the access to sperm i'm missing.

tonight i was bored. so i did some looking. apparently there's a sperm bank at the oregon health and sciences university in portland.. but i read a narrative about it, 2 women posing as lesbians, it wasn't good. so, i've axed that. so, i've narrowed it down to the northwest andrology and cryobank in spokane, wa and pacific reproductive services. this is, of course if i can't find a donor here in eugene. i don't know if there's a mommie network here. i don't have any male friends. i have no idea about how to go about finding a non-frozen donor. and then there's the legal stuff.

anyhow, its all in the thought processes.

but i have been playing around with more names! for a girl, zippora. this is a new one. for the longest time i've had the name grianne, but the explanation of the pronunciation is a bit too much. zippora. or harrie.. faith came up with that one, and well, it grew on me. cause if its a boy he'll be harry. my dad's name is harry. and not only that, but i really like the name harry. and for a middle name, miller-- my maternal grandmother's maiden name. it'll work for a girl or a boy. zippora miller robertshaw, harrie miller robertshaw, or harry miller robertshaw.

and on that note, i'm going to bed. i'll proably have the baby dream.

Posted by brooke at 12.40.30 AM