December 07, 2002
oh lets just get it over with!

someone just needs to go ahead and just full on breathe on me, someone with a cold, that is. i've been fighting off things here and there since cold weather and runny noses came to the nursery. last week my energy level sagged, and its getting worse, but no cold. my friend carrie, who i spent some time with last week and talked with for a little bit today is getting over a cold and my neighbor has one. i'm hoping that between the two i'll just go ahead and get the damn thing and get this over with!

to remind myself.. i had an interesting discussion with one of those white christian centric males today. we talked about war. and muslims and hate and all that.. and how there are a few people over in the middle east who insite hate and how it is our business once they kill americans. its amazing how these white males start changing their tunes when you bring up white males here who insite violence and how we haven't taken armies against them. anyhow, i have a longer rant about that. so, i'm putting this here to remind myself.

and on that note, i have some junk food to eat.

Posted by brooke at 08.11.21 PM

8 years

8 years ago today i told someone that i was gay for the first time. happy coming out day to me.

and in other news..

Anti-War Protesters are Flowing in From the Mainstream

Posted by brooke at 09.40.31 AM

December 06, 2002
might?

i'm starting to tune into current events again. if that isn't blatantly obvious by all the newspapers i've got listed over there --->.. no, that isn't for any readers enjoyment, its for me. if any readers of my ramblings happen to go to any of those news services thats great.. but the purpose of all my links on this site is a mini-portal for me. what you see listed on the right of your screen are sites that i visit on a daily or every few daily basis. these are the sites i'm most interested in. and they are in a nice orderly fashion in a handy dandy spot.

so, current events. and war. and terrorism, because thats the big word of the day.

and back in 4th, 5th, 6th-12th grade social studies. and then again us and georgia history for my elementary ed degree. what i learned back then was that when fighting the english for independence the colonists faught a different kind of war. they didn't come in an orderly fashion like the english were so used to, they came from all directions, at times when the english didn't expect. it was a radical new idea, and it was effective.

and the tactics of war progressed. and they became more and more sinister. they became more and more sneaky. and vietnam the might of the american army was beat by the not so might of the northern vietnamese because they faught even dirtier than ever before. they faught a war that we didn't expect. and they beat us at OUR game. like we beat the english so many years before.

and now, now there is a new kind of war. and we are being beat again by another ragged group of warriors. and yet we are still fighting with the same war machine we've been fighting with for so many years.

and you know what? those few people are winning with this new tactic. this new tactic called terrorism.

look. look at how many people were scared by a mesely *2* men in the MD / DC / VA area for many weeks. look at what timothy mcveigh pulled off. and the not so many people who have shocked and terrified millions upon millions of people because of september 11th.

and yet we still aren't learning a god damn thing.

and i have really tried not to be scared. because i don't want anyone to win. i don't want osama bin laden to win. and i don't want the rhetoric of the leaders of the western and eastern and southern and northern worlds to win.

but i am. i'm scared, because its the same damn thing that is happening. no one is doing ANYTHING different.

and in a week and a day my father and stepmother get on a plane and fly to thailand. and a week after that my mother gets on a plane and flys to eithopia. and 3 months and 3 days after that i get on a plane and fly to greece. and so my family is going to all parts of this big scary world. and the thought that goes through my head is i hope we all make it back alive.

in all of this the person that scares me the most is george w. bush. he's not listening. he's not learning. he doesn't seem to care. people are scared, and he's a huge cause of it, and he doesn't care.

i'm frustrated. i'm frustrated that there are millions upon millions of people in this country asking george w. bush to NOT go to war with iraq and he's not listening. he's not even making an attempt to realize that might does not make right.

bill clinton even said it.. if you keep killing them, they will only continue to kill you. if bill clinton can get it, if he can get his mind off his penis long enough to understand, why can't w. bush? why can't all those people who want to bomb iraq?

don't people get it? we can't continue to kill. we cannot continue to think we are this almighty country who cannot be hurt. we cannot continue to think that our force will fix everything. we simply need to accept the truth.

there are ways to deal without violence. and its time that we do. its time that the practice of war evolve into the practice of mediation.

Posted by brooke at 08.14.55 PM

today

still tired today. things are starting to implode upon me. i'm so strong. blech. blech. blech.

i'm stressed about everything. i think thats why i'm so tired. i can't imagine it being anything else. the next two months.

it would be a hell of a lot easier if my mom weren't going to be in eithopia for the next month. fuck. i'm attempting to put together january right now. how the fuck am i going to make it through january? and mom is going to be gone in case i need some emergency bucks. i am never ever ever loaning money to anyone ever again. i'll tell people they can be mad at __ (aren't i ethical for not printing the person's name?). i let things slide and they did too and now she doesn't have the bucks to pay me back, and i need the bucks because of a situation, a very unexpected one. but of course i'm lucky, cause mom is here to help me out. but if i hadn't loaned the money to this person i wouldn't need mom. never loan money to anyone. i don't care how long you've known them, how much you trust them. take it from me, the information i learned last weekend.. amazing. simply amazing.. oh fuck, make that disturbing.

mom has also sent me a box of christmas gifts. i'd really like to open them. i already opened one, cause i knew it was either a gift certificate or money. i wanted to know what it was so i could calculate it in to all the money, financial stuff thats going on with the money stuff for the next two months, and then the money stuff going into the greece trip. (the tickets are non-refundable, thats why i have not refunded them in light of the next 2 months) i want to open the gifts so i can work them into what i'm going to further need for greece.

this trip to greece shouldn't be this stressful. this whole thing shouldn't be this stressful. i simply shouldn't be falling apart.

but considering other shit thats going on, that i can't talk about. *agh*

i think i might very well take miriam's offer up tommorrow just to spend time with her instead of a massage, cause nothing hurts. i'm just stressed. but i'm worried about her. and usually the game is i'm more able to get stuff out of her when i'm on the table than when i'm not, and i really want to know whats up, cause i wanna help. yes, i can be a little devil at times, but its for her own good :)

Posted by brooke at 07.13.23 PM

December 05, 2002
visitor

i've been really tired the last few days. took a three hour nap and then sacked out in front of the tv for the rest of the evening after my swim on tuesday.. wednesday i put one of the twins down for a nap and wanted to take one myself.. and today, thursday, stayed home from the pool cause i was gonna clean, but instead stayed curled up in front of the tv with the cats all day.. somethings up, and i'm not sure what. its been frustrating.

and so, i neglected to mention something exciting!

gina (aka the boston dyke) is coming to visit us! (and if you can't tell, that is smudge reading gina's weblog) i'm jazzed!

what most of you don't know is that gina and i have known each other longer than both of us have been blogging. we met through a great group that she (?) started called "dykesalone".. i can't wait to show her around my nook of the pacific northwest. i really do love this place, and i love showing it to folks who haven't seen it before :)

one more pic for the road, smudge attempting to play with the animated .gif on gina's site...

Posted by brooke at 08.52.35 PM

dad's birthday

okay, this time i got it right.

it was 60 years ago today that my dad was born. it was 60 years ago today that mary draper and alfred foster robertshaw brought their first born into this world. i love my dad, a lot. i like my dad, a lot. my dad is a good man. my dad has a good heart. my dad is the guy who says that he can't stand the cats, but if you turn your back on him and the cats and then turn back real quick you'll catch him with one of them in his arms. my dad is the one who told me that he ddn't want me moving to california because of the earthquakes (he didn't know that oregon has them too). my dad tries hard, doesn't always get it right but continues to try. my dad is a good man. he's a good father. he's not a perfect father, he's made mistakes along the way. i don't think i'd want a perfect father. he's the kind of father i'd want everyone to have. i'm terribly proud of him. i boast about him with a puffed chest and all. so, here ya go. he's 60. and he's my dad.

Posted by brooke at 11.22.59 AM

December 03, 2002
tuesday morning

its morning, i didn't wake up till 10.30, and this was only cause smudge told me it was finally time to wake up. thank the goddess, cause i absolutely have to go swimming (thank the goddess, yet again, cause it'll get rid of this bed / hat hair of mine)..

read a frightening article about surface to air missles being used on commercial airliners yesterday. my trip to greece.. thats what i kept thinking about. my trip to greece. this whole war shit better not interfere with anything about that. for once i'm a bit nervous about flying, but i kept thinking about my stepfather in eithopia and my mother who keeps going there and the not fear that they have and that is very reassuring.. and i have more thoughts on all that, and i'll write about it later. i just hope at some point george bush and all of his war mongering friends get some heavy shots of estrogen and realize how bad going to war actually is and how usless it is against terrorists and how its just going to cause more problems and more deaths here and there and all over the world.

and finally, on a light note. dania is freakin' hilarious. if you haven't stopped in and visited her, you need too. and then you need to add her to your regular list of reads. and i would say that even if she weren't a blacksburgian :)

Posted by brooke at 11.06.12 AM

December 02, 2002
article

at common dreams, an incredible article about the anti-war movement.
Growing Peace Movement's Ranks Include Some Unlikely Allies

Posted by brooke at 06.45.33 PM

what another day!

i finally resolved a matter with a person. now i just need to write up a document and get a signature on said document by said person.

i got a 400 pound weight removed from my shoulders. this came from much discussion with some really wonderful friends yesterday. and during this process i didn't loose someone i was afraid i might loose.

because i dealt with the above matter and decided not to escape town (at one point in the day i was planning on going up to canada for a number of days to be determined later) i decided instead to treat myself to a pair of acorn socks instead. i've not gotten a new pair in 3 years, and i love them. i also got some snow seal for my boots, and snow sealed them, and my birkies.

then i ran around town checking about a fold up hiking pole that will pass security and be durable enough for wilderness hiking. i've got one right now, but it won't fold up enough, and it's got a really sharp point at the end. its a great friend, but unfortunately not good enough :(... rei has some, but they cost a lot and i don't want it taken from me, and i'll need it for the hills of greece. and then i'll want to use it for other hiking, cause they are very nice.

after all that i went to the store and got some junk food and snacked on that for a bit and then crashed on the couch for a bit. then called mom back. and now i've got to clean out the litter box and deal with these boxes in front of me.

this post doesn't nearly give this day justice, and it doesn't nearly do justice to the multitude of feelings that i've felt over the last 24 hours. and my mother, she has blown me out of the water. she's totally supportive and listening. and i've got friends who have been there, listening and offering advice, and two of you read this, so here's a *kiss* for both of you! i'm glad that the situation has finally come to some sort of resolution.

oh, and i can't forget, i found out that my friend is, indeed, visiting over new years, so i've got to get cleaning. i'm totally psyched. i can't wait to see her :). even the cats are psyched :).

what a day, yes, what a day.

Posted by brooke at 05.41.39 PM