October 04, 2002
its offical

its offical.. i'm on disability now. i just got my first check today. i'm now getting paid to be sick.

Posted by brooke at 04.50.51 PM

not so exciting

yeah, i've crashed again. what's new? nothing, really. i do this on a pretty regular basis. i get quite hyper for a few days and then the crash comes. i've also been so anxious that my left hand has had a hard time grasping objects like french fries at jack in the box.

i'm rather tired of this whole war thing. i avoid it at all costs. but sometimes i can't. only in patriarchal societies will we hear lines on the news like "yes, it is inevitable that we will go to war again."

we will? it is inevitable? says who? people who enjoy death? i don't know why people want to go to war. i don't see why we can't all just get along, or at least find solutions other than killing each other to handle problems.

problems like oil. problems like not liking how another country is running their government. problems like one country backing out of a treaty, or refusing to sign a treaty, even if it is totally logical that the treaty is for the good of the people, but maybe not so good for the buck.

anyhow, i know i'm not the only one who dislikes hearing that war is inevitable. i guess we humans aren't so evolved, are we?

spent the day at mother kali's. helping out a friend, helping to keep a store open in the light of ..... well, i can't go into it. its more of this war like crap. people not listening to each other, and it ends up being taken out on the community.. those of us who need the place for our existance. those of us who stayed up for 24 hours for the place, those of us who see the store as a vital link to worlds and perspectives otherwise unknown, unpublisized, voices that people who love war would probably want to quiet. might spend the next 2 days there. i doubt it. i've crashed.

yes, its borerline time in brooke land. i love borderline time. :P (no, i actually don't) i feel for the person that its being directed at this time. i'm attempting to do everything i can to not let it happen, but its happening anyways, and i'm just not able to find logical thought around it all. no matter how hard i try.

i did get a copy of the second coming of joan of arc on tape today! yeah! that was hugely exciting to find in my box waiting for me. i love the second coming. i've seen the author, carolyn gage, perform it once. and though this isn't a video, its still her voice instead of mine.. all the inflections at the right time.. it helps to bring out even more meaning from the piece.

okay, its train time. yes, the train tracks are about .1 mile from me.. lots of trains in the middle of the night. just love it :P..

and on that note. i'm boring these days, i know. so much going on in my head. i'm way stuck up there. my head and my sleep. and the cats need me too.

Posted by brooke at 12.27.22 AM

October 01, 2002
a sure sign that it is fall

yep.. woke up this morning, and all 4 cats had made themselves comfortable somewhere on my body..... yes, the nights are starting to get cold (for oregon), they like sharing my body heat.

oh, and yesterday when i was over at my friend's house, we actually had a thunderstorm! that rarely happens here.. of course it didn't rival anything i've experienced back east, but we had some nice thunder, and even a flash of lightening. her dogs were scared, i was thrilled. and i hear it dumped snow in the mountains.

soon i'll stop noticing.. but this is the third day its acted like oregon around here. hopefully its a sign of what is to come for the rest of the rainy season.. we'll get out of drought.

what else? nothing really. nothing exciting is happening in my life. and i've been avoiding the news because i hate hearing about this whole war with iraq shit.

although, i will say this-- i'm quite disguested with gordon smith and his matthew sheppard ads. its a low blow from a guy who is not nearly as liberal as he's trying to portray himself. hopefully he'll screw himself with his more conservative voters who hate the queer community.

oh and i'm about to start a small but exciting web project. i'm doing it for free cause i believe in the work that this person is doing to such a great degree that i'm not charging. i do this. i'm sure there are others of you out there who volunteer your web services for important things like this. okay, thats all i'm going to say on that subject.

off to find breakfast.

Posted by brooke at 10.02.37 AM

September 29, 2002
life

went to the poetry slam over at foolscap books.. there was some good stuff and some bad stuff.. and one really really good poet. did you know i love good slam poetry? it doesn't matter what the topic is, well-- as long as it isn't offensive-- as long as its done well thats all that i care about. good slam, good spoken word, is like good music.. it transends and makes me feel alive! so, i'll be planning on going to the rest of the slams, most likely.

if i seem disjointed its because i've not eaten in awhile. well, in about a day. my body just doesn't want to eat, but i know i need too. i upped the dosage of the lexapro and i'm thinking thats whats doing it. plus i hear there is a cold going around. or could it be allergies? i don't know.

the seasons are changing here in oregon... early this morning i was treated to the sound of a steady but soft rain outside my window. and as i drifted in and out of sleep i thought "yes, this is oregon.. rain rain rain..". so, allergies.. warm days and cold nights.. luckily i'm into layers, and i've got 2 great fleece hats that mom gave me that i keep close by my side. luckily i live in eugene and it really doesn't matter what i wear. luckily i'm not working and i no longer have to look at least half way professional.. i can be me, and during this time of changing seasons with the unsurity of the temperatures and my own not wanting to get sick i can layer in whatever i can find.. dresses, shorts, sweaters, long-sleeve shirts, overalls, etc.. doesn't matter color or style.. just whatever suits my fancy for the day, whatever looks most comfy.

i've got a bit of a toe infection that has been hanging around.. i've not been treating it consisently.. my own fault. right now the toe is soaking in epsom salt water. and a sore shoulder that i think i'm going to actually go look for a plug in heating pad to treat. heat good, cold not so great. miriam, my friend / massage therapist, has been working on the shoulder, but i need to do the added work.. and there are days when it is terribly sore and heat is the thing that makes it feel the best. heat and stretching it out.

and on that note, i think i'll end this. maybe i'll go look for food. maybe not. i need juice and the cats need both litter and food, so i'll be forced out of the house soon.

bye.

Posted by brooke at 10.11.17 AM