June 10, 2002
i have my 2 favorite lisa-isms!

i posted these over on faith's site...

lisa-isms

yes, i have my own favorites, and the following are my very favorite (which have been shared with friends here, all of whom laughed out loud!)

talking to her son: ""i made those arms and i'll take them back!"

and when talking about me to todd, her partner (aka the ripperman): "remember, she's medicated and she hates lots of people!"

Posted by brooke at 08.54.38 PM

i think its ridiculous

i think its ridiculous that anyone writes about tolerance when she can't even be tolerant herself.

yeah. this is about amber eden.. someone some of you love and adore. someone who has, yes probably out of consideration, called me and tried to talk me out of being friends with someone. being offended that i would dare put her name in the same sentence as someone else's name as my friends.. but, that can be forgiven. a family member has questioned my friendship with someone so dear to me that i would go to the moon and back to help her, someone who is more family than that particular family member.. and that has been forgiven.. but someone who called me and questioned my doctors.. her exact line was i want to strangle them. how dare you amber eden. how dare you question my doctors. that is a greater sin than calling into question my friends. questioning those that care for me.. how dare you. thats not a sin i can forgive, because you have no idea how much they do for me beyond their prescribed duties, how much they know, how much they care for me not because they are paid too, but because they just do.

no, i'm not being very adult.

but the greatest sin is that i also find it very offensive that someone that i called a friend would dare question MY tolerance, my open mindedness. if you consider yourself a friend you wouldn't have posted here anonymously. and if you considered yourself a friend you wouldn't have said what you said.

someone who talks about all this piousness isn't very pious at all. yeah john, you should hear the things she's said to me about YOU. and i don't lie.

i'm pissed. and i'm hurt. and amber you did it all.. and when i tried to be calm and understanding you only played the guilt card.

well you know what?? YOU are the bad drug that i have to stay away from. because you only suck me into your manipulative crap. yeah, john, she's manipulating you.. and she did it to me for a long time.. but when i said NO she tried to make me feel guilty.

at least i'm strong enough of a person not to fall into that crap anymore.

oh yeah, and all that tolerance crap over on her site, its directed at ME. someone she dared to call a friend.

you should hear the things that woman has to say about mexicans.. and you dare to question my tolerance? how dare you, you racist bitch. everytime you open your mouth about mexicans i cringe. and you dare to question my tolerance?

oh yeah.. and fucking cunt. thats real feminist thing to say. over and over you say it. fucking cunt. and you call me close minded?? you call into question my tolerance?

how dare you. how dare you. and now you'll go play the innocent card and no one will believe any of this. but i know how much i've been hurt by your games. i know others who have been hurt. and you don't give a flying fuck. all you care about is poor little you. while i, i hurt.

oh yeah, and for those of you in blogland who are reading this.. i don't care what you think about it. and this is about a friendship that got taken past the weblog.. into each others homes and lives beyond these pages. this is about a friendship where one hurt the other so badly and didn't care what she was doing.

you had a piece of my heart amber eden. you had a piece of my heart like all my friends have a piece of my heart. and i don't do that willingly or easily. but i gave you one. and you only shredded that piece.

Posted by brooke at 02.01.18 PM

country fair!

i was reading through an email in my box and it mentioned entertainment at oregon country fair.. and then i realized, YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! fair is only a month away. YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!

< trying to keep myself in a somewhat good mood, cause i feel absolutely crappy today >

Posted by brooke at 10.09.49 AM

finally-- jenny mowe

finally jenny mowe is off the injured list and now on the active list for the portland fire.. lets see how long she stays there. < note sarcasm >

Posted by brooke at 09.32.54 AM

June 09, 2002
atlanta

chel got to take a trip down memory lane this weekend... she went to atlanta.

chel and i can both take our own trips down memory lane when it comes to atlanta. i had no intention of taking my own trip, but it just happened i needed noise while i was installing fireworks on this machine so i popped in a video full of music from atlanta.

lookiing back now, cooper seay really is a babe. much more of a babe than i thought of her then. i was more crushed out on jan dykes.. and that makes sense since she and i were friends for a short time, during that short time spending hours talking various shit over chips and guack at tortillas, near the corner of highland and ponce.. the seemingly official dividing line between the va highlands and little 5 points. moments from my apartment in little 5.

i have a different perspective now on my moment in the crowd now. how much healthier it is. how i was actually a part of the crowd. i didn't know how i became one, but next thing there i was.. a part of the crowd.

and tonight, watching these old videos from nearly 10 years ago, faces i still recognize, a video shoot i remember being told about, not going because of.. well, probably an early morning the next morning. even in the indigo girls playing in london, faces in the crowd that i recognize. faces that were once friends. friends lost in the drama that is life.

but still, i'm amazed at the positiveness of the feelings. i'm amazed that even nearly 10 years later that my heart still jumps when seeing everybody moshing at the feet of viva la diva. i want to join them..... again. i want to be a part of the sweaty mass of people. i want to relive the cd release party at the point, all of us moshing.. me knowing i'd truly made the scene when i bumped into amy ray as my body flailed itself around the dance floor, me ending up shirtless by the end of the night because it was a much longer than usual night of slam dancing, moshing, stage jumping. but bumping into amy was no big deal then, cause.. well.. she was just coopers girlfriend and she was there, like the rest of us. she was supposed to be there.

but now, i call it my brief touch wtih fame. a woman named leslie stopping to talk to jan and i at tortillas, her walking off and my question "who was she?" answereed by a simple "emily's girlfriend."

now i'm amazed that it happened. i'm amazed that somehow i was able to get myself into that crowd. amazed and nonchalant at the same time.

last visit with my doctor she mentioned that the indigo girls were going to be playing at a winery near here soon. my therapist also told me. my reaction to both of them mixed. my doctor not knowing my past. my therapist not really getting that i no longer have an interest in seeing them play. i was spoiled. being on the scene i was spoiled, getting to see them play in small clubs in atlanta. getting to see amy jump up on stage at a birthday party. hearing the first song from "come on now social" played just hours after she wrote it. yeah, experiences like that.

and then my anger, which my doctor didn't expect. no, anger is not what one expects from a dyke who has said she enjoys the indigo girls. no. but anger is also what she got. "amy ray is one of the biggest bitches in the world. she screwed over some very dear friends of mne. she screwed over two people who supported them big time. i'm not EVER going to spend my money to help finance the career of amy ray ever again." thats also what i said.

my trip down memory lane.. down atlanta memory lane.. the important part. not the one at school.. its filled with awe and not awe. its filled with lines that i use to impress people who are indigo girls fans "yeah, i knwo the story behind < the song i can't remember now > on nomads indians saints".. "yeah, i knew the bassist who played the intense stuff on the song "touch me fall" from swamp ophelia." "oh yeah, and you know how amy menions "my friend tanner" in the first song on shaming of the sun? i knew tanner. in fact, tanner was handing over her reign in the viva la diva moshipit (which was originally the ellen james society moshpit-- before my time) before i left. yeah, dig it. and one day, after a show i went to say good night to tanner and i had to intterupt her and amy."

yeah, i guess i put it all on the same par with the olympic trials. in some circles "yeah, i raced in olympic trials" will turn heads big time.. and in others "yeah, i've moshed with amy ray" will turn heads the same as the olympic trials remark.

it was my life. and i'm glad it was. i'm glad its no longer. when i left i knew, at least for me, it was not about true friendships. well, except for my brief friendship with jan.. i knew it was all about the image you portrayed. i knew it was, in my experience, more about the outside than the inside.

but my heart will always jump when i see cooper seay, jan dykes, amy ray, emily saliers, chris mcguire, candi jiosne, and wayne glass grace my tv screen. and i'm glad. because it means that that part of my life still means something too me. even though that something changes as i get older.

Posted by brooke at 09.57.18 PM

its been a weekend

okay, so i'm back.

i resovled one major issue in my life. it was a drug addiction of sorts. i did a lot of thinking about it, talked to a few friends, thought some more, and then came to a conclusion. this drug of sorts was one that needed to be rid of. it was a bad addiction, one that hurt me on more than one occasion. so, it was time to say farwell. it'll take some time for it to heal, but thats a natural thing, and in the grand scheme of the suffering of my life, this is just a little thorn on a bush full of them.

on another note. i have made a promise to my mother that if i were ever considering getting one more cat that i would call her and she would remind me that 4 cats is more than enough and that i really don't need the responsibility of one more life and finally, it would piss max off royally and its bad enough as it is now with smudge, bringing one more strange cat into the mix would just be miserable.

yes, i almost brought home a beautiful and wonderfully sweet black and white cat named "bently".. he was at pet smart, brought in from the florence humane society, there to be adopted. yes, i gazed him as i entered the store.. then went about my business, then came back. i even went so far as to pick him up and love on him and all that. and just as i was saying, okay.. lets go.. me and the woman who was helping me with him happened to see written on his sheet "not good with other cats." yep, that was it. she and i both knew then and there that bently wouldn't have a home with me. but luckily he's at a no kill shelter.. and i do plan on calling to make sure he is adopted, because if he doesn't get adopted out, i will deal with all the crap that max and he are sure to create to give this wonderful cat a home.

so. the cats got treats. 26.00 worth of treats. corrogated cardobard with catnip for lily and max (and ava and smudge as i discovered), and a door hangy carpted thing with a feather on it for smudge. he's been using the door frame as a scratching post and so this will fix it. he loves feathers and he loves carpet to scractch on. when i first brought it home he was having so much fun with it he actually had his whole body hanging from it at one point. lily and ava both got new collars.... lily a small dog collar (as usual), and ava.. well.. i couldn't resist. ava now has a collar with a little green and white bow on it. little princess p (her name is ava pearl) is offically dressed up in princess garb.. as she should be. but the poor thing, i keep looking at her and laughing at her because its just so amusing to me. she just throws me pissed looks, and i wonder.. hmm.. maybe she isn't a princess afterall... but i'm sure i'll get over the laughing and she'll stop throwing me pissy looks and she and the princess bow will look wonderful together.

and on that note, its time to watch a new movie.

Posted by brooke at 06.28.36 PM