May 24, 2002
removal of previous dw post

i have removed the post about dykewrite. 2 members of the group have come to me and explained why the person was included.....

further, i've hurt someone that i didn't mean to hurt by the post. *sigh* someitmes i don't know when to keep my mouth shut. i should have opened a dialogue with the dykewriters instead of posting my post. it was a viscious attack that went beyond the scope of my intentions.

i have also removed all comments from the bottom of sally's column.. that, was just as wrong of me to do. if y'all are going to meet sally sheklow i want it to be in the best manner possible. i shouldnl't use sally's writing to attack someone. her writing is wondeful, alll that she does with her goofy self should be used for good, and not bad.

i apologize to that person that i have hurt, from the bottom of my heart. you know who you are.

next time, i'll be an adult. and if that doesn't work, then i'll be childish :)

Posted by brooke at 12.10.05 PM

May 23, 2002
a little history

Living Out

by Sally Sheklow

PRIDE
A Day to Remember.

Pop Quiz: Of a.) Michael Jackson, b.) Stonewall Jackson, or c.) The Stonewall Rebellion, which is celebrated around the world by lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, transsexual, intersexed, queer, and questioning people and our allies every year?

If you picked "c" congratulations.

On June 29, 1969 in New York City, during a routine raid on a gay bar called the Stonewall Inn, the patrons, fed up with constant police harassment, kicked, screamed and refused to get into the paddy wagons. They ripped up parking meters, threw Molotov cocktails and otherwise blew the minds of the police, who never expected mild-mannered dykes and sissies to go so berserk. Gay people and allies from all over Greenwich Village joined the melee and rioted in the streets for four days while the world watched on TV. The Stonewall Rebellion brought attention to gay people's struggle for equality and justice under the law (which, 33 years later, in case you're keeping tabs, we still don't have.)

But everyone already knows all that, right? Don't students learn about Stonewall in grade school where their teachers hand out little rainbow-striped Gay Pride flag outlines to color in? Don't news commentators review the Stonewall Rebellion every year and discuss its profound significance? Don't rabbis and ministers give special sermons on Gay Pride Day to remind their flocks to love your neighbor, regardless of sexual orientation? No? Wait. Let me sit down. I am shocked. You mean to tell me that every year I traipse around a grassy park all day without enough sun screen on, listening to music, eating chocolate dipped ice cream, and running into old lovers and friends whose names I suddenly realize I no longer remember, all in celebration of a holiday you didn't even know about?

Gay Pride Day has happened every year since Stonewall, but it is NOT pre-printed in my Day Runner date book like other important occasions: "June Bank Holiday - Ireland" for example. (And I mean no offense to Irish bankers.) But we're a strong people and we're not going to let a little thing like being left out of the calendar keep us from asserting our right to tromp through the grass risking sunburn and forgetting old friends' names. Every year hundreds of thousands of us bravely come out of the closet (or the boardroom or the PTA or wherever) and participate in Gay Pride Day celebrations. We gather in communities around the world to celebrate human diversity, lobby for equality and drip melting chocolate on our T-shirts.

It might be a little tricky to find out about Gay Pride events where you live, especially if your town doesn't have its own gay newspaper. You could try looking it up on the Internet, but beware. If you type in "gay" or "lesbian" you'll get some tacky porn site run by seedy little men exercising what they call their "freedom of speech" and you'll end up with a kazillion e-mail spams inviting you to ENLARGE YOUR PENIS!!!! I get these messages every day and I sure wish I knew whom to call to say that we don't even have any penises in our house. But it's just as hard (excuse the expression) to stop the EARN $6,000 A WEEK WORKING FROM HOME!!!! messages that fill my email in-box. I have yet to get a message that says "ACHIEVE EQUAL RIGHTS!"

That's the message you'll get at Gay Pride Day. Once you find out where it is, come on out, so to speak. Everybody's welcome. Only when we stand together as allies can we stop the gay bashing and discrimination that hurts us all. I would love to see you there. Come join the festivities in the park and groove on the music, listen to speakers, sign a petition, buy a rainbow bumper sticker, and meet some new people. Heck, I'll even introduce you to my friends, if I can remember their names.

Posted by brooke at 10.45.32 AM

getting in on the blogger crap

okay. now, this is ridiculous.. apparently there is all sorts of crap going around about people.

you know what? this is just stupid. its absolutely stupid.

yes, i have been involved in it. but you know what? it was right up front. i didn't spread any fucking rumors about anyone.

i probably shouldn't even be writing about this stuff, but i think that this baby middle-school-shit is insane.

WE ARE ALL ADULTS HERE. at least i thought we all were.

see, things aren't good for me right now, and i am way freakin' pissed off REALLY easy.

i've not acted fully to my adult ability, and i was open and honest when i didn't do it.

i say, if you aren't going to be an adult, its time to come out of the closet. if you just can't manage to act your age, come out of the closet and be open and honest about it. you might think that this is the web and things you say don't hurt people, but they do. and THAT IS NOT OKAY. the people on the other ends of these keyboards are just as real as you are, and they have feelings just like you do. and its time that people respect those feelings.

what else can i say? i've pissed someone off. i mean i royally pissed someone off. but you know what i found? once i looked past that i found someone completely different. yes, what you see in reflected the mirror is not always as it really is.

i could do one of my sappy posts about this person.. and i'm really trying not too. but here's the jist of all of it... you want to pick a fight with someone, HAVE THE GUTS TO DO IT IN FRONT OF THEM.. not behind their backs. thats just juvenile.

why doesn't everyone just grow the fuck up? at least thats what i'm trying to do. i turned away from that mirror, turned around and decided not to see what was being reflected, but the real person. and i have been rewarded. i have been so rewarded.

maybe if other people try to do that. maybe if other people break down barriers that they put up, they can be rewarded too.

i now have dear people in my life that if had continued to look at the reflection i wouldn't have. and i am so lucky.

and i might not have the respect of those who disagree with me, but at least they know how I feel, at least i'm gutsy enough to attach my name to it, to have it out in full colors.. and those that are close to me, respect me for it.

why don't people do the respectful thing.

why don't people do the thing they should know they should do and not be so cowardice.

its amazing the rewards you get for not being a coward.

*and that* is the end of my rant on this current blogging shit. and you know what? i don't give a flying fig what anyone thinks of me, you who this is targeted at. and though i've never paid attention to you now, you have now flown in my radar screen. and now i see you.

and you know what? people who don't like me cause i think hoopty is a big wus, i don't give a shit.

all i give a shit is that people's feelings have been hurt. grow the fuck up.

Posted by brooke at 08.49.56 AM

wnba stuff.

2002 WNBA Transactions
May 22
-Portland Fire waived Mandy Nightingale

*umph* she is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute. and short, and tough. at least thats what i saw last friday. dammit.

but debbie black is still there. which is wonderful. you know why? cause she's only 5'3".. i have a thing for short chicks playing basketball.

Posted by brooke at 08.21.00 AM

May 21, 2002
4 years ago today

i am reading the eugene weekly online.

and i started reading an article about the shooting at Thurston High School. it happened 4 years ago today.

thurston is in springfield. springfield is right next to eugene. i remember when it happened. i remember when they said that he lived in eugene (he didn't), i was already in the process of solidifying my plans to move here. my friend tania was here. she was at springfield high school that day. thank the goddess.

anyhow, thats about the jist of my emotional feelings around it. i've been by the school numerous times.. the first time i went by just so i could see where it happened.. a tourist. now its just on the way to the swimming pool. but still, i think, thats thurston high school. #4 in the high school shootings that made the news.

there was a shooting in germany. people from thurston called them, offered to help.

people around the country might have forgotten, but my community certainly hasn't. and it won't ever. its kinda weird living in a place that something like that has taken place. because if you live here you'd think it would never happen here.

just like i think it would never happen at blacksburg high school. but you know what? it could happen there too. it can happen anywhere.

i'm not sure my point. i'm just mentioning it. i'm just saying this happens. and today is 4 years since, here in my hometown.

Posted by brooke at 09.26.49 AM

shouldn't be

go to the homepage of the wnba. rebecca lobo in a houston comets uniform. you know what? THATS JUST WRONG.

i know i shouldn't be making a big deal about it.. whats the problem? players get traded all the time.

oh no, you don't get it. and you've obviously not been paying attention to the wnba from the very beginning.......

rebecca lobo, the star of uconn, one of the first players allocated.... TO THE NY LIBERTY. she's been there since the beginning.. and now. *ugh*

anyhow, i'm really not into sports, but i am into the wnba. i love it. and i don't like change, and rebecca lobo in a houston comets uniform?

what will happen next? t-spoon in a minnesota lynx uniform? oh goddess, please let her retire before that happens. btw, she's simply got too much passion for minnesota.

okay. i'm a bit manic today. so, i'll shut up now and attempt to get work done.

i'm outta here at 12.

Posted by brooke at 07.34.16 AM

me and marsha

brooke and marsha, pride weekend 1996

i found this yesterday as i was going through a bunch of books. it just happened to get stuck inside one, to be found, well... i guess at a time when i might need it the most.

this is marsha. of perry and marsha. one of the women who make my life worth living. one of the women, well.. marsha is marsha and i love and adore her more than i could ever imagine.

this was taken on pride weekend of 1996. the summer before grad school(which i just noticed, Dr. Robert M. Branch is now the department head, which is totally fabulous, which if i decided to get my phd and i could study under him, i'd go back to athens, ga, which was hell on earth, just because he is that inspiring, that good, okay, i've never had a professor or a teacher as good as him). oh goodness, now i'm off track.

okay, this picture was taken pride weekend of 1996. it wasn't long after that rainy day records, as i knew it then, was no longer.

i'm trying to think of what else i can say about this picture. there's nothing much more i can say. well, i could.

i could brag to y'all that she is in my life, and not yours, and i feel sorry for you because of that. yeah. i could say that. i could say that she is loving, caring, up front, funny, not afraid to say what you need to hear. i could simply say how terribly glad i am that i found this picture.. because it says a lot.

and i'll be keeping it around. keeping it close. now, only if i had a picture like that of me and perry.

Posted by brooke at 06.50.35 AM

May 20, 2002
not a good idea to fuck with a whacko.

this was left in my comments today:

my response.. not a good idea to fuck with a whacko. yes, i can be a mean vindicitive bitch, make that a mean whacko vindicitve bitch.

IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THE CONTENT OF THIS WEBSITE, GO THE FUCK AWAY. ALL IT TAKES IS ONE CLICK OF THE X IN THE UPPER RIGHT HAND CORNER OF YOUR BROWSER

oh yeah, and its also not a good idea to leave messages like that with email addresses and comments like i'm moving to eugene in june..

watchout bitch, you might just meet me and not know it.

Posted by brooke at 02.57.07 PM

monday, 20 may 2002.

okay, so monday arrives quickly, even after a three day (unplanned) weekend.

i got a couple of emails from a friend about israel/palestine. i'm not sure what to think now. thanks friend :P. i had this wonderfully controversial soapbox rant about ready to be written up.. you know, one that would piss a lot of people off-- the kind i like, and now.. well, now my thoughts are not solidified in anyway. they've been completely knocked off their rocker. anyhow, thanks friend. you know who you are, and take that thanks as both sarcastic and real.

what else? i'm not sure what else to write as i am keeping my deeply personal life private, and well, that is what i am most involved in right now. my deeply personal life.

oh, yeah.. there was a great thing on cuba on 60 minutes last night.

and i've decided that watching a movie on dvd is far better than watching tv. i've got a good, free supply. and the movie practical magic is waaaaaaaay good. shakespere in love is not as good as practical magic and i'm not sure why it was such a big oscar picture.. and why practical magic didn't get more oscar press. nicole kidman's performance was waay over the top good. anyhow, if you are christian and think that witches are evil... well. go watch it. hahahahahaaha yeah, it actually portrays witches as good, and it portrays them being loved in the end.

what else? well, i could go on about how christians, okay, not just christans, anyone who thinks that those who practice witchcraft are evil are just plain stupid.... but thats just a given, so i won't go there.

hmm.. on that note i'm just about to head home for the day.

Posted by brooke at 11.54.01 AM

May 19, 2002

its early morning again. that seems to happen everyday, i'm discovering. early morning and i have been up for 2 hours already.. i've already been to the store to pick up supplies for my fast, made 90oz of lemon juice/maple syrup/, *a teensy dash* of cayanne pepper, and water.. and gone through clothes for laundry.. but the laundry i am unable to do at the moment as i have no quarters.

yes, so i am into hour one of my fast. i'll have my first food test in 1.5 hours when i meet gl and larry for breakfast. they'll eat and i'll drink out of my happy little juice bottle.

after meeting gl and larry i have but 2 more tasks to do today.. get some clothes ready for next week, i think i'll iron some, and then head to the folk fest to see misty river and babes with axes -1. toshi regan is closing the fest tonight, but she doesn't go on till 8.30 and by that time i hope to be curled up in bed getting ready for the week ahead.

mom will be here sometime this week. kinda blows my mind that mom is gonna be here, and to be honest its kind of a bad time. but mom is mom is mom and i love her and cherish her and will make the trip to corvallis to see her and jim. as i love jim also and cherish him and this will be the last time i'll see him for a long time.

i have some difficult things to do as far as this illness of mine this week. challenges and fears. my life is in more turmoil now than i would have expected. i am not going to play this one out in public, at least not till i'm ready. i've been thinking about exposure and how much of myself it is healthy to put here. my life is my life, and maybe its time to reign things in a bit.

what else? the whitehouse and 9/11. yes, i've heard about it. yes, i went to mother kalis yesterday and talked with c about it. yes, i am very angry. it was an unexpected anger that came out of me. we started to chat about it and all of a sudden my rage came up and out of my throat. it pulsated through my body.

the turmoil that this country has been through because of it. and if bush or clinton or anyone could have done something to make it less and didn't. if this is true..

they talk about rebellions. and i hope that middle america, all the flag bearers, are paying close attention to this. i hope that this gets straightened out and if anyone could have prevented it i hope that their heads are presented to thiis country on a platter.

i am against the death penalty. i'm a pacifist, i don't like guns, and war.. well, its simply unacceptable.

i am constantly going back to her. and i only know of her struggles as she shares them on her weblog. she's my closest link to it. she's just one person that i know. and i'm furious, i'm angry beyond words at what she's gone through. and so yesterday i talked about her.. that was the anger that came up, was anger for her. and then her multiplied by however many thousands of people are going through what she is. and if this government knew anything, any little thing and did nothing about it. i don't care what party line, i don't care who it is. all i know is that what she is going through is unacceptable. and our government must be held accountble for the suffering of thousands of hers.

if the suffering could have been prevented, those that did nothing about it are just as bad as those who did it.

its about people. its about caring for people. its about reaching out and loving others. its about humanity.

anyhow, thats my soapbox. and now i will go and play some pinball for awhile.

Posted by brooke at 09.21.17 AM